Wednesday, December 31, 2008

My 2008 & 2009 Lists

So in this eleventh hour, as we near the very end of this calendar year, I feel moved to put down in writing some ideas and intentions I've had floating around in my head for several days.Before I move on entirely to 2009, I want to be gracious and give a little props to 2008, it's been an extremely challenging year for me and many others whom I love but wanted to try to find some goodness in it...so here is what I am grateful for from 2008:
  • For the chance to be there for my dad and Sarah during a very hard time when Laura was nearing the end of her life and tensions were high and a peacemaker was needed.
  • For the gift of forgiveness, both to give it and receive it.
  • For the loving support of friends and family through all that came up to greet me along the path this past year, and how I chose to greet IT!
  • For second chances  to make different, better (?) choices.
  • For Obama winning the presidency and igniting a patriot fire within me and many others I know.
  • For Facebook, it's just so darned friendly and makes the journey just a bit more fun and connected.
  • For my husband's patience and kindness and love.
  • For my son's amazing spirit and sweetness and general quirkiness.
  • For wonderful dietary options that exist in this time in this wonderfully weird town.
  • Thankful for all the people (celebrities, non-celebrities) who work hard to make this world a better place for everyone.
And now (drum roll please....) 

My statements of intention for 2009
  1. To continue to pay better attention to my body and treat it like the blessed gift that it is (talk about 2nd chances, & 3rd, & 4th....)
  2. To spend more time doing things that aren't screen related (i.e. spend no more than 2 hours per day on computer/TV/Movie viewing) and read more (not just as I am falling asleep in bed).
  3. Work on art projects weekly just for the fun of it.
  4. Breathe through my nose more.
  5. Keep purging until I feel like everything has it's place and purpose in this household and can maintain it all better.
  6. Spend more time outside with my family, doing something active and enriching.
  7. Rediscover the art of letter writing and partake in it weekly.
  8. Do things greener in my household and in choices I make out in the world as well.
  9. Blog  and/or journal more often.
  10. Give to the world on a local and global level whenever I truly can afford to do so, be it in time,effort or finances.
  11. Create and grow a new life during this year.
  12. Spend more time walking and less time driving.
 So, there it is...I am putting it out there for you and the universe to see and for me to continue to keep within my sight. I plan on making myself a visual guide as well, a collage vision board tomorrow as a way to be creative and enjoy the images I come up with to focus my sights on for this next year. May this be a wonderful year for all of us and may it be filled with change, movement and fulfilment and lots & lots of moments of incredible joy.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Some visuals to go with last post





Some of my favorites are:


Nourishment on the whole & for the soul

When I began this blog, it wasn't my intention to only write about food (it still isn't) but I will say that blogging the other day about my cravings sure helped. In fact, the issue was practically lifted as soon as I posted. And I appreciated the support and comments that were left by some of you, thank you.  Please consider the comments area a safe place to air your own inner struggles as we are all in this together in one way or another. I have found that when I discuss my new lifestyle changes with others, it only reinforces the positive ways in which it is blessing my world. When I tell them the list of things I am not eating anymore: dairy, wheat, soy, corn, sugar, potato, pork, tomato, peanuts, caffeine, alcohol, & processed or fried foods, inevitably the first question out of their mouths is "What do you eat then?" and then "I could never do that!" So I thought I would give a little idea of what I do put in my body and also perhaps give a little inspiration to those of you with an inkling to eliminate or at least cut down on a thing or two in your own world. So here is a partial list of things that I eat regularly (I think you will find that there are a lot of choices here): 
  • A lot of Nuts and Nut Butters (except of course, peanut)
  • Alternative milks (Hemp and Hazelnut being my faves)
  • Chicken, Turkey, & Fish (organic &/or wild whenever possible)
  • Beef (Grass-fed WHENEVER possible)
  • Organic eggs
  • Fruits and Veggies (again, try for organic mostly)
  • Hummus (The Mediterranean one from TJ's is the best!)
  • Pasta (made from rice- Tinkayada Pasta Joy is the only one worth it-& it rocks!)
  • Vegan Pesto (New seasons makes 3 yummy varieties: Arugula walnut, basil, & walnut/cilantro)
  • Alternative grains (rice, quinoa, ammaranth, millet)
  • Bread, crackers, & cereal made from grains listed above
  • Herbal and decaf teas (being careful to watch for soy, often listed simply as "natural flavors".
  • Coconut Bliss
  • many great recipes from several allergy free cookbooks
So there you have it...it's very do-able...sometimes the balance in foods may be off, but there is always room for adjustments. Lastly, I have been going through a lot of old photos and memory boxes lately (must be the fact that we've been snowed in!) and came across something I had written for a writing class many years ago. It stemmed from an assignment in which the words "washed up" were given to explore and work into some sort of written piece. It's not a perfect poem but I still resonate with it's theme and felt I could share it here. 
It is 6 p.m. and I've just finished washing up for dinner. This will be a special night, for all around me at the table will be my loved ones, my family. Some from my family of origin, some my chosen family but in all, those I hold dearest in my heart & with whom I feel the most comfortable being "me". The circle around the table has no room for gossip or judgements, no place set for ill will & negative reinforcements. Only large helpings of love,respect,compassion, & kindness. Plenty of understanding & awareness with an abundance of goodwill & joy at each place. I feel warm & enveloped in this banquet, this feast of familial bonds. Finally, my hunger is gone, my needs are filled, my plate is full & I crave nothing more. I am nourished and never need to deprive or binge again. It is ALL there in perfect proportions.

Amen.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

gone today, here tomorrow???

Ok so it's been a while since my last blog...it's not so much that I didn't have anything to say, just that I have had so many things going through my head that I kept circling the launch pad, never touching down to write about one thing. oh well, i am here now anyway. I just had to blog tonight...I am really BUMMED! I have been gliding through the holidays with no real stress about the typical holiday binge , you know, avoiding the food tables and sweets at parties, not filling all the Christmas decor dishes with candy as before and basically, doing a damn fine job of keeping things clean in my world of eating. But the last few days, I have been yearning to bake. Maybe it's the "snow" that has kept us indoors, and feeling homey. Maybe it's this time of year. It makes me feel good and thus far,  I have been fine with giving the treats away once made...However, I decided that I wanted to try to make a batch of cookies from the current recipe book I am able to enjoy- allergen free and so on...and made these delicious no-bake cookies. But the problem is...I can't stay away from them now!!! So, it seems my friend the cookie monster, lady binger, or what-have-you, was only on vacation and has now returned to the building and seems to be getting comfortable again- ugh!! I was in denial all these past 8.5 weeks I guess, or maybe it's that old self-sabotaging meanie inside that decided that "hey, she's feeling pretty confident now, has lost 16 lbs.,and doesn't crave sugar anymore. I think I will f*$k with her and see if I can break her again. I mean, I've always been able to before, why not this time as well?" And I realize that I am my own worst critic and yes,, I have been making amazing strides. Yet somehow, I will not think about the seriously healthy(and delicious) soup I made for dinner and just concentrate on the delicious treats in the fridge calling my name, again and again...This too shall pass. I know this & will make every stride to move beyond the little voices that want me to fail but sometimes I just wish I could feel normal in relation to food. I actually was feeling normal until today...well, I will just sleep on it and see what comes forth tomorrow. Do you have any little food "devils" that threaten to push you to the edge of healthy balanced eating?

Saturday, November 29, 2008

From the wise words of a 4 year old...

I have been wanting to blog for several days but since the holiday was upon us and I have an out of town loved one visiting, I am not in my normal rhythm. Actually, I am still searching for that even when no irregular circumstances can be blamed.  This is one of my "homework assignments" from my naturopath ; to be aware and flow with my own rhythm....but I feel like I have been out of touch with that for so long, I am not sure how to do it. I guess that is step one...realizing I am out of sinc and gaining awareness of myself and connecting deep within. And then not judging that , just moving forward slowly and consciously. My son Julian makes up songs on his guitar all day long and no matter if he is singing the pudding song, the thanksgiving song, or the tissue song, they all contain a line that goes something like this: "....and I don't know what to do....and I don't know how to do it...". Steve and I are always half chuckling and half amazed at his philosophical lyrics and wonder why he puts this sentiment into almost every song....it indicates a kind of  vulnerability ; not always knowing what to do, with the humility to admit it out loud (and sometimes at full volume in song!)...I don't actually know many adults that feel comfortable putting it out there like that. This is just one of the ways that my son (and children in general) often inspire me. Their honesty and fearlessness of exposure to others. So I am saying it out loud, I don't know how to do it...how to find my own rhythm.... I aim to do yoga one of these days, as I am sure that will help. As I continue on this new way of eating, I am more in touch with the physical part of my body(how each food I ingest feels in my body,whether I am hungry or not,etc.) but still...I wonder, do you, any of my readers have a better understanding or a secret method of how to stay in touch with this part of yourself? I would love to hear any stories or hints you might have....i believe as each of us make our way in the world and continue this journey on the path of knowledge and love and understanding, it helps to give each other a leg-up when we can....after all, we're all in this together, really.... peace be with you.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Journey continues...

So, as I mentioned last post, I am becoming a new me, or maybe the inner me, or better yet, just MORE of me. I am one of those people who has about 3 or 5 lists going at all times of all the things I want to get done, both daily and monumentally. This in itself isn't a big deal, I mean, whatever motivates you, right? Except that it hasn't. Not for many  moons anyway. Until this past (full) moon...I got my groove back....I went for it...I finally dealt with the very daunting, forever-nagging-at-me, catch-all called our 3rd bedroom. It has been a thorn in my side for the past 3 years and while it has had it's ups and downs, when the occasional guest was expected to stay, there has been a need to make it a better space and finally paint the walls that have had the same 5 paint squares on them once and for all. So I did it. A dear friend helped me paint it and also my sweet hubby, and NOW, it is a new room entirely...and I am more motivated than ever to keep going on finally tackling projects that have been sapping my energy for the simple lack of energy to deal with them all this time...I am off and running and it really feels great... My therapist who looks like this said to me, sometimes you have to just do something because if you wait for the motivation, it may not come...I agree, but it sure helps to have more energy for it as well.  Lastly, when I was sorting through some old files today, I found a copy of this amazing poem by Mary Oliver and well, it just didn't surprise me that I found it right now... so, enjoy.....

The Journey by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice-
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with it's stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as  you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do-
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

 There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful that the risk it took to blossom. _ Anais Nin

I LOVE this quote. I always have. But when I read it tonight, it dawned on me just how much that quote means to me right now. I have tried over the years to do things different when it comes to what I put into my body. I have been to weight watchers (too many times to count), gone to OA, read all of Geneen Roth's books and even gone to her workshop. Nothing ever quite felt right to me. I had some successes but felt like I was constantly obsessing about what I could/could not eat. I love 12 step programs, I have seen them do wonders for many, I just haven't felt they were for me. And I would end up feeling CRAZY, frustrated and ultimately bad about myself for not being able to stick with it. The only "diet" that I ever went on where I actually felt a lot better physically was the "Body Ecology Diet" which made a lot of sense and yet I didn't last more than about 6 weeks on it. Timing may have a lot to do with it. I have declared many times that "this is my sugar free year"! but I always struggled with my cravings and if I went off it at all, that guaranteed a snowball effect and I was lost. So when I went to see a naturopath recently for many of my issues (including very low energy,fibromyalgia,anxiety,and endometriosis),and told her that I wanted to discontinue most of the meds I was taking, she suggested that I follow the anti-inflammation diet for a while and see how it affects my body. I started it a week later and within 3 days, I felt more energy and a stronger sense of confidence within myself than I had felt in quite a long time. As the days have gone on, and I have continued to make great choices for myself, I have gotten stronger and more committed with each day. But here is the very best thing of all, I mean the thing that makes me think I will eat like this always: I DO NOT STRUGGLE WITH THE SUGAR CRAVINGS AT ALL!!!In fact, case in point, yesterday when I was at New Seasons Market and my grocery bill was getting too high, I opted to put back the Coconut Bliss non-dairy dessert (the one thing that I can have since it is sweetened only with Agave & doesn't contain any NoNo's and only takes a few bites to satisfy) and I was totally OK with it. "Wow, who am I ?" I said aloud. The clerk just smiled and I assured her that this was a huge deal. I walked away feeling happier than if I had gotten the treat. This is a new peace for me and I am loving it. Whether it is just a new mindset I have adopted or due to going wheat and dairy free as well as the sugar, or both, I wanna hang onto this feeling. Whatever the reason, this bud is on it's way to blossoming....

Sunday, November 9, 2008

New Beginnings

So, I am not sure what has prompted me to finally create a blog.....My soul is calling me to journal but thus far I haven't so I thought maybe this could be an alternative to that...and more. I can't guarantee I will have any major insights to enlighten any of my readers but i will have a place to be honest and vent and praise and so on...and if someone is moved by my words then all the better. Some recent events in my life have opened me up and moved me towards some new journeys in my life...it is exciting and daunting and wonderful all at once...I have begun eating very differently by following an Anti-Inflammation diet and being very careful about what I put into my body (as well as my family's) and We recently were told that Julian may have a mild case of Asperger Syndrome. So I figured, yeah, I have some stuff to write about here. I will do  my best to blog as many days as I can, and try not to waste as much time on Facebook, this is definitely healthier. And that is my aim to be healthy and honest and strong and brave so here I am......