tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6576432953362741092024-03-14T01:21:14.192-07:00Love above all elsemama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-57347723481782374912010-06-24T13:03:00.000-07:002010-06-24T13:03:09.589-07:00Getting back to it!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3;">Hi friends,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3;">It has been quite a while and I actually don't have too much time right now to blog all that is going on,but promise to come back here very soon.... In the meantime, I wanted to post a link to One of my newest journeys in this adventure called Life. Yep, I am training to walk a half marathon in October.In the process, I am raising money for </span><a href="http://www.leukemia-lymphoma.org/hm_lls"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3;">LLS (Leukemia Lymphoma Society)</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3;"> so please visit </span><a href="http://pages.teamintraining.org/oswim/portland10/jlight1gl7"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3;">my fundraising page</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3;"> to find out more about this great cause and do what you can...thanks. I also want to post a flyer for an incentive to those (Locals only, sorry) who are considering making a contribution to sweeten the deal if you move on this early (I'd like to make my donation goals early so I can concentrate solely on the physical uphill goals I have set for myself!) so here it is...will be back soon, hope life is great all around!</span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">It's a Win-Win Opportunity!</span></span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Make a donation* to LLS (through my donation page) by July 15th and you could win a fabulous prize!</span></span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><br />
</span></span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">Prizes include:</span></span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">~ a photo session by <a href="http://justinelight.com/">Natural Light Photography</a> which includes a booklet of photos ($200 Value)</span></span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">~ 1 (of 2) $100 Gift Card from <a href="http://www.zenana-spa.com/">Zenana Spa & Wellness Center </a>(for products and services)</span></span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">~ an Inner Clarity Coaching session with Savannah Mayfield of <a href="http://www.nurturelifecoaching.com/">Nurture Life Coaching</a> ($85 Value)</span></span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">~a Medium Ice Cream Cake from <a href="http://www.benjerry.com/hawthorne/">Hawthorne Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Store</a> ($39.95 Value)</span></b></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">~and many more prizes... all mostly locally owned/created</span></b></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><b><br />
</b></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #f1c232;">Thanks for your support!</span></b></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b>*Donations of $25 or greater.</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicPEKpnHAg5La5v34VLFZIQTtVmpaQueb0wAmAmfUEIIGJDPwSbgh6bZZGekMvzPYkQfRBzToezm5Huw2OtST_Ml9aK9ei5besp6BZ67TOQz3CQVWPYdBEwX3MMwWscuT5fSZCvjLCx1ka/s1600/22431_233130662300_209896622300_3763749_5852901_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="130" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicPEKpnHAg5La5v34VLFZIQTtVmpaQueb0wAmAmfUEIIGJDPwSbgh6bZZGekMvzPYkQfRBzToezm5Huw2OtST_Ml9aK9ei5besp6BZ67TOQz3CQVWPYdBEwX3MMwWscuT5fSZCvjLCx1ka/s200/22431_233130662300_209896622300_3763749_5852901_n.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="122" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZfd-ZtPcDpIY1VMJIUXA6mR_ABaPttYkFrn3xjiYYFQYFvznvwbBBoobrIX-VJj0I2YBgfjEbBeo24HWyWvgbFUZ7OGnFKY5twrkZ_ighkCsZ5DzHwVYEBMADqUb3MadBl-Xy3Do7QplQ/s200/ben+and+jerrys+logo.gif" width="200" /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-476V5vdXAvF0CQQQ2YqDgyiW5fvyKC4p8qC7zgomid-AaDTSOXFQNtdeRoJbk1ZErjWkTU0cTy9SEpR-CSCJkwyGIGz112n7xEdUt910BdA9Lz5J6DO3x3XmLrjaTNSWEZ1RMvamz91g/s1600/4552_105287997680_105287027680_2304470_3793023_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-476V5vdXAvF0CQQQ2YqDgyiW5fvyKC4p8qC7zgomid-AaDTSOXFQNtdeRoJbk1ZErjWkTU0cTy9SEpR-CSCJkwyGIGz112n7xEdUt910BdA9Lz5J6DO3x3XmLrjaTNSWEZ1RMvamz91g/s200/4552_105287997680_105287027680_2304470_3793023_n.jpg" width="133" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><br />
</span></span></b></span>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-48645002152035737622010-01-12T00:16:00.000-08:002010-01-12T00:19:36.524-08:00My 2010 New Year's Mosaic- reflecting & envisioning<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">Happy New Year All! Last year, as part of a new year's vision/reflection board I made a </span></span><a href="http://justinelight.blogspot.com/2009/01/my-fun-mosaic-for-new-year.html"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">collage</span></span></a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">. I got the idea from this </span></span><a href="http://www.jensanity.com/2010/01/03/my-2010-mosaic/"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">brilliant friend</span></span></a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">, and this year I did another one. You can make your collage </span></span><a href="http://bighugelabs.com/mosaic.php"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">here</span></span></a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">, and the questions to get you started are below. I included my answers as well. The idea is to try to answer the questions in as little words as possible. Then head to Flickr to get your images by typing in that word in the search window and trying to pick an image from the first page if possible, but do what feels right to you (I spent </span></span><i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">way</span></span></i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;"> too many hours being very picky about what I chose). But in the end I kinda like it...it's fun to do, and the questions get you thinking too...try it and if you do and you wanna share, send me a link to yours, I'd love it. </span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwEQ4Q_9uaWsVwWWGMOQcoTn3uO56J9EEk3rIb0mOlD1OaiGU9ycO7zZDZcpEfkCiCSxT0BC-DzUfWPF4zkWJR1AihfUEgnilriob28h6mWYBSgUW1nkbSI8FHx38LJViKX0IYO9lJMwqm/s1600-h/mosaic8ba8ce128111e686054fa1d7f61a6c127ba53b8b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwEQ4Q_9uaWsVwWWGMOQcoTn3uO56J9EEk3rIb0mOlD1OaiGU9ycO7zZDZcpEfkCiCSxT0BC-DzUfWPF4zkWJR1AihfUEgnilriob28h6mWYBSgUW1nkbSI8FHx38LJViKX0IYO9lJMwqm/s400/mosaic8ba8ce128111e686054fa1d7f61a6c127ba53b8b.jpg" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="color: #38761d;">1. Looking back on 2009, what might the theme have been? </span><em><span style="color: #38761d;">Awakening</span></em><span style="color: #38761d;"><br />
2. If 2009 was a movie, who would play you? </span><em><span style="color: #38761d;">Marion Cottilard</span></em><span style="color: #38761d;"><br />
3. What was your greatest gift of 2009? </span><em><span style="color: #38761d;">Reconnections/ Courage</span></em><span style="color: #38761d;"><br />
4. What is your New Year Resolution, or, what are you committing to this year? </span><i><span style="color: #38761d;">Growth/ Inner Truths </span></i><span style="color: #38761d;"><br />
5. If January could be represented by one song, what would it be? </span><em><span style="color: #38761d;">Tapes by Alanis Morissette</span></em><span style="color: #38761d;"><br />
6. What do you wish for your body in 2010? </span><em><span style="color: #38761d;">Health/Movement</span></em><span style="color: #38761d;"><br />
7. Name one new thing you would love to try in the New Year. </span><em><span style="color: #38761d;">Zumba</span></em><span style="color: #38761d;"><br />
8. What do you long for 2010 to bring? </span><em><span style="color: #38761d;">Determined Spirit, Self LoveAcceptance,Perseverance, Stamina</span></em><span style="color: #38761d;"><br />
9. If that happened, how would you feel? </span><em><span style="color: #38761d;">Peaceful</span></em><span style="color: #38761d;"><br />
10. Where would you love to vacation in 2010 if money were no object? </span><em><span style="color: #38761d;">Hawaii</span></em><span style="color: #38761d;"><br />
11. What would you like the theme of 2010 to be? </span><em><span style="color: #38761d;">Breakthroughs</span></em><span style="color: #38761d;"><br />
12. If 2010 was a book, and the title was 5 words or less, what might the title be. </span><em><span style="color: #38761d;">Blessed with Light and Love.</span></em></span>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-78778736832796819292009-11-23T20:23:00.000-08:002009-11-23T20:23:45.995-08:00The Feast of all feasts<span style="color: #b45f06;">Well, hello. It's been a while, huh?! I hope to get back to writing more regularly but I guess I have just been more internal as of late, and when I am outward it is on a more one to one basis, with a loved one or a therapist of various kinds, so for now I just wanted to share a poem that I wrote many years ago but when I came across it today in a cluttered drawer, I felt the need to share it on this week of Thanksgiving. May each and every one of you have a glorious, deeply fulfilling holiday!</span><br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: #c27ba0;">I smile when I think about My "Feast of all feasts". It would be a very special night, for all around me at the table sit my loved ones, my family. Some from my family of origin, some my chosen family~but in all, those I hold dearest in my heart & with whom I feel the most comfortable being "Me". The circle around the table has no room for gossip or judgements, no place set for ill will and negative reinforcements~ Only large helpings of love, respect, compassion & kindness. Plenty of understanding & awareness, and an abundance of goodwill and joy at each place. I feel warm & enveloped in this banquet, this feast of familial bonds. Finally my hunger is gone, my needs are filled, my plate is full & I crave nothing more. I am nourished and never need to deprive or binge again~ It is all there in perfect proportions. Balanced and Whole.</span></span></i>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-2206638217819108172009-06-04T19:38:00.000-07:002009-06-04T20:04:46.183-07:00What I am<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">As I am continuing to work on areas of self acceptance, I sometimes feel like I am walking in a landmine....just as I start to think I have gotten those demeaning voices out of my head, I realize they are lurking just around the bend in a different form but still super powered and stealthy...I go about my day, feeling like I have nothing to show for it but that frame of mind doesn't serve me and I would like to let it go.... so for today I am just going to try to be. I am going to let myself know that while I <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">may be</span> a hugely complicated, variety of things (read: energies, ideas, emotions, etc.), I don't need to place my value on all things exterior...deep inside is what counts and where all that great stuff is...</span></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">I am </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">not</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);"> a sink full of dirty dishes and a sticky kitchen floor</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">I am </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">not</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);"> piles of laundry that have yet to be done and put away</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">I am </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">not</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);"> the closets waiting to be organized</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">I am </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">not</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);"> messy desk or the paperwork to file</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">I am </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">not</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);"> all those recipes that haven't been explored yet</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">I am </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">not</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);"> the phone calls I do or don't make</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">I am </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">not</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);"> my current stained, wrinkled "Goodwill worthy" wardrobe </span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">I am </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">not</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);"> the times I don't floss or exercise or say the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">right</span> thing</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">I am </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">not</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);"> bills not attended to or budget out of whack</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0); font-family: 'lucida grande'; font-size: 18px;">I am </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande'; font-size: 18px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">not</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0); font-family: 'lucida grande'; font-size: 18px;"> losing or gaining weight</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">I am </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">not</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);"> a "productive" day</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">I </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">am</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);"> a deep, kind, thinking, feeling, loving, living,soul-searching being</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">there is where the value is and has always been...see it...believe it...embrace it....</span></span></span></div>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-22457565673941322622009-04-15T11:20:00.000-07:002009-04-15T11:48:50.931-07:00leaving stones unturned<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr_HPxKZIY4fUp-I7VhLs7Cx9hgJPlDzVQ5wyupyvDc4H-EO4Kwfv-LjmZRoRNs4Ju-y2Qb3L66cGMVfI6km1leGLzUe7mAvINUz0Q3e0UiQNVNRQbAhNLf-v8bJjq5ewNXGSnAkUWtIEz/s1600-h/3271512171_cc657fe68b_m.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 198px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr_HPxKZIY4fUp-I7VhLs7Cx9hgJPlDzVQ5wyupyvDc4H-EO4Kwfv-LjmZRoRNs4Ju-y2Qb3L66cGMVfI6km1leGLzUe7mAvINUz0Q3e0UiQNVNRQbAhNLf-v8bJjq5ewNXGSnAkUWtIEz/s320/3271512171_cc657fe68b_m.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5324991598833999234" /></a><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">I have an interesting homework assignment from my new therapist: Leaving some stones unturned. During our session, our first I might add, I began to unravel the ball of yarn that is my past, along with revealing that I have a tendency to constantly keep tabs on myself (i.e. continually turn over more and more "stones" to pile up all the things "unfinished", whether that be chores in my everyday life or more importantly, those things that are still a </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">work in progress</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);"> in the development of my own self worth/self love), making it all the harder not to feel like I am never doing/being enough! So she suggested that I try to have one day in the next week where I take a break. Stop turning over stones. Let them all be and just be OK with where I am in each moment of that day. And even if I can't totally do that, then to see what comes up for me as I </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">try</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);"> to quiet that inner voice that immediately wants to defeat/belittle/bully myself, gain some insight that way. It is such a strange thing to think that it will be a huge challenge for me to do this. I really want to. I am up to that task. And a little sad that this should even be such an issue for me. Yet, I am ready and willing to do this assignment (it speaks to my competitive, good student self when put into these terms, but whatever gets you there, right?) and most assuredly, I am excited and ready for my new counselling journey...I feel that this will be one of the most important ones I will ever go on.... I can just feel it....</span></span>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-65630483278215727462009-04-05T19:59:00.000-07:002009-04-05T23:21:48.297-07:00Naked acceptanceJust a quickie but had to share this sweet example of someone offering love & acceptance while still being able to voice fears or apprehensions. <div><br /><div>As I am standing stark naked in the bathroom, facing my son after we have just emerged from a shared bath:</div><div><br /></div><div>J: I don't like your scar on your tummy...or your belly button mama!</div><div><br /></div><div>Me: That's OK honey, do they scare you?</div><div><br /></div><div>J: Yes, a little.</div><div>(Then he looks me up and down and then meets my eyes and says,)</div><div><br /></div><div>J: I <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">really</span> like the rest of you though, just not those parts!</div><div><br /></div><div>I can live with that!!!</div></div>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-3208568365734256812009-03-25T18:56:00.000-07:002009-03-25T19:22:43.095-07:00I love this woman!!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51);">Today my lovely dear heart of a friend, C, and I decided to make some muffins. We have been planning to do some baking with alternative ingredients for ages and kept trying to make it happen, but as with many other things, it usually doesn't happen if we <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">plan</span> it and mostly only when the mood strikes us (and she pushes me a little too-thank you C!) Since I am eating gluten free, dairy free and sugar free (at least to the best of my abilities), we had a challenge before us. But we happened upon </span><a href="http://www.elanaspantry.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">THIS</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51);">amazing website and just went for it. There are many wonderful looking recipes here and I can't wait to try as many of them as possible, but today we went for the carrot cake, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51);">sort of</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51);">. We made it as muffins and sub'd some of the carrot with Zucchini, and used walnut oil instead of grapeseed. We also didn't bother making the frosting (although that would be amazing to try next time!). These came out delicious...not sweet at all...next time we might even try to sweeten them up a bit more but the levels of flavor and texture are wonderful and this is a hardy muffin to boot. The woman who has made all of these lovely foods (Elana) is a </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51);">goddess</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51);">. I have been wanting to make something with coconut flour for a while now but couldn't figure out how to convert the recipes in this </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cooking-Coconut-Flour-Gluten-Free-Alternative/dp/0941599639/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1238033446&sr=8-1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">book</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51);"> to use agave or another alternative liquid sweetener instead of sugar or stevia (I am not a fan) but Elana has done this with so many yummy sounding treats, I can't wait to try them....the trick now will be a) not going nuts on baking things that still DO have fat and calories and b) being able to afford all the alternative ingredients (though my pantry is better stocked than some I suppose). But really this feels like just the inspiration I have needed to get unstuck in the kitchen again. I have been in a slump for a while. I have found other sites that I like too, but this one seems exceptional to me. I wonder if any of you have any favorites, food-wise or not, that really inspire you and get you going??</span>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-35482578342146024352009-03-10T17:40:00.000-07:002009-03-10T18:10:40.534-07:00Get Out!!!!Why must our mothers get so far into our heads? I feel like I have been doing fairly well lately as far as letting the small stuff go in regards to my relationship with my mother. I am 40 years old after all, you'd think that with so many years of processing what's mine and what's not, I'd be able to just let go and feel confident enough within myself so as not to be affected by ANYTHING my mother says or does. It was going along pretty smoothly too. Easily deflecting any biting or annoying remarks through humor or deep breaths or both. So why is that when I am feeling particularly shaky on the edge of that cliff called self esteem, that THAT is when my mom decides I need more weight on my shoulders and lays one on me? It doesn't even matter that some of what she says may be true. It usually is. But it's the fact that whatever she is saying conveys a certain feeling that her confidence in me & my abilities is still ice thin and could shatter at any moment. Once again feeling that her love is conditional. In the sane part of me, I realize that this is just her stuff (fears,anxiety,lack of her own drama,etc) but the part of me that becomes insane feels like a little girl and a monster rolled up into one and I wanna scream, "Why can't you just love me and know that I will always be more than enough, come what may?!!" Part of our job in life is to make mistakes and (hopefully) learn from them and continue on in this manner. I know that she has seen me make some of the same mistakes over and over. I get that this is where some of her concerns come from, but I mean, really, I am not a total jerk, not strung out on drugs, or irresponsible in any major way that affects others and I always try to take responsibility for my actions, no matter what the outcome. And I rarely ask HER for anything anymore. I even said to her, "Why do you say these things and hound me about stuff I haven't completed yet? Don't you know that I already go over this in my own head every day? I don't do this to you, EVER." I long so much to just have a friendship with my mother, like my other lovely friends with whom I share a confidence and love that is always uplifting and supportive and never demeaning and fear based. As one lovely soul told me today "It is your mom's pain and unconsciousness. You are perfect just the way you are." I realized that this is very true and in my heart of hearts I KNOW this, but does it ever get any easier when the one bringing you down is your mother????mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-14885383048594609962009-02-21T20:04:00.000-08:002009-02-21T21:15:10.597-08:00Where is the love?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Ahhhhh...the boy is sleeping and my hubby has gone off to the cinema..finally some space to blog....the thing that has been nagging at me all day is a curious one, and as I continue to ponder it, I feel less and less confident about sharing it here (mostly because it shows a side of me I am not proud of!) and I hope I won't lose readers but rather gain some followers who are glad it's me being honest & out there instead of them. And so here goes, in hopes of some sort of clarity or at least maybe some insightful input from you, my lovely readers. Ok. So, I have this client (I will call her Andi) who I photographed a year ago for her maternity pictures. When she came to my house last year, I was shocked at how she looked. She was about 8 months pregnant and though her belly was full, she looked like a twelve year old (except for her wrinkles on her face gave her age to be more like late 30's). I mean, she was SOOO tiny and frail looking. I am used to being a larger person among women most of the time but this was extreme. And when I photograph women late in their pregnancies, that is part of the beauty of it is all their lovely fullness and curves that come out to glow. I managed to get through the session and make her feel comfortable (I believe this truly) and she was genuinely pleased with the outcome of the shoot. I would communicate with her periodically throughout the year (I had agreed to let her use 1/2 roll of film for maternity & 1/2 for newborn shots which turned into 1 yr shots)and I was definitely aware that I felt some sort of trigger anytime she wrote me ( she is quite particular, but I am used to this in my line of work) and then today we met up for the rest of the pictures. All week long I was sort of dreading it and not exactly sure why, other than my normal nervousness before a session & knowing I wasn't making any more money on it (when we really could use it). I think I thought my dread was simply due to these reasons(& maybe that we didn't have that magic connection that I absolutely love about some of my clients' sessions). But when I saw her again today, I remembered why I had such a hard time being around her. I am genuinely uncomfortable around people that look so anorexically skinny to me! I don't know for a fact that she IS anorexic. I don't <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">know </span>her at all but I have several very thin friends & <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">this</span> feels completely different. Now, I realize that most of the issues surrounding eating disorders are similar whether one goes to the one extreme (anorexia) or the other (Obesity/overeater/binger). I am still grappling with some of my own that have led me to binge or stuff emotions or try to have control over things so I <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">do</span> get it. But for some reason there is a disconnect from the usual, consciously non-judgemental & compassionate self that I strive to be, and I am so bothered by that! I can see people on the street who weigh 400 pounds and immediately feel their pain and send them peace and love without a second thought...or on TV (Biggest loser and so on) and cry for them and feel so thankful for their bravery and honesty...even a show about anorexia can lead me down this path...but up close and personal seems to be a different matter...I will say that while both Andi and her husband "Ethan" are small,( I even joked to my Steve that I could fit both of them in my own body, give or take a leg or so) they have (and adore) a lovely healthy looking sweet baby with plenty of chub to love ...but it is mostly </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Andi</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"> that triggers me...I wish I could say I feel an epiphany coming on from admitting this out in cyberspace, but I can't....I know this goes deeper but I will have to just try to stay open to the lesson about myself in all of this.....It must be a big one because I can't stop thinking about my reaction to this and my guilt over not being able to come back to the compassion I long to feel....maybe it's got something to do with this: as I learn to peel away all my own layers from years of covering and </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">protecting</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"> in my own body, it is hard for me to see someone so clearly "unprotected", like a complete foil to the person who has been me.....I dunno, still working on this one........thoughts, insights,personal stories,criticsms (she says as she cringes)???</span></span></span>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-41646747299341294062009-02-10T13:39:00.000-08:002009-02-10T14:42:45.944-08:00The honeymoon is over....I have been in a virtually blissful state for the past 4 months concerning my food intake and overall life changes, forging ahead and happy that it has felt relatively easy peasy! Enter evil food cravings. Over there is a heap of self loathing and doubt. Straight ahead look for bumps and curves in the road (body) that scream for repair! I guess it was bound to happen but I am so sick of my food choices (or lack thereof!). The truth is I can be making much more choices than I give myself because a) there are more grains and veggies to discover and explore if I would take the time and energy to prepare them, b) I haven't really put items back into my repertoire since starting the inflammation diet back in October and c) I could go get some more testing done to determine what foods I have sensitivity towards since I have not been feeling all that great even off all the main culprits (I sense there is something I still consume that isn't my friend!). And of course there is my oh-so-long-ago abandoned exercising self that deserves some time in the ring again. I am just frustrated. I ate a few bites of wheat and dairy the other day and also some sugar and guess what? I WAS A BEAR THIS MORNING! I seemed to have lost my peaceful state of mind that I was loving so much as of late....could be the full moon, could be my own moon cycle, or a host of other things but I am guessing that it is indeed, yep, almost sure it is, SUGAR & wheat & dairy...ugh!!! This too shall pass I know but for now I am just gonna let myself feel the frustration and hope that it leads to further commitment and strides forward. So, tell me ,dear readers, what have you fallen out of love with lately???mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-35185328575223021562009-02-03T11:32:00.000-08:002009-02-05T14:59:33.036-08:00Baby steps in all directions....<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51);">Does not mean running in circles!! An overall confidence is building within me. I can feel it and I lovingly glance over at it and then softly smile to myself a few times a day now. It's love, really. A love that is growing a little bit stronger and deeper each day.</span></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51);"> Yesterday in therapy, we discussed my procrastination & inevitable self criticism that follows, trying to get under it to the root. What came out was earth moving for me. A sort of Aha!. Not entirely surprising when you think about it, but it hit me to the core. Throughout my life I've done this circle dance where I know I want to do something (or take care of/start/finish something) but keep avoiding it and then every time I notice it or think about it, feel all kinds of bad about myself and get quickly "self-defeated" and drained. Well, after answering a few questions with my therapist, she showed me how I am just continually repeating the ways that I was parented in regards to handling a task or starting a project and so on. If I do something, I will tend to feel like "gee I could've probably done that better" or just not remember any sense of accomplishment I have felt before (therefore taking forever to get around to finishing anything). So, with this logic, deep inside somewhere I learned that a) The only way to get me to do something is to continually criticize myself and try to coerce myself until I get it done, and then b) tell myself that I didn't really succeed as it wasn't up to standards. Well, </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51);">why the hell would ANYONE want to do anything if someone else was using this technique on them? </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51);">What would be the point anyway, if only met by impossible-to-please expectations and disapproval. </span></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51);">So, in learning this about myself, my job now is to work towards being a better parent to myself, creating a balance between loving acceptance and inspiring crusader in all my moves towards change or accomplishment. It completely makes sense that I would have learned this way. From a young age, I haven't felt like I have been shown how to do things with this supportive energy, but rather told to do something and then fail miserably, only to be yelled at or pushed (but without the net below). I am not interested in blaming my parents these days, instead wanting deeper understanding so as to keep re-working what hasn't worked for me and try very hard NOT to pass it on to my own child. So here the work really begins...but as with most things, baby steps will get me there and I will be all the better for it, if I take my time and stay conscious and clear about what matters- LOVE ABOVE ALL ELSE!</span></span></span></div></div>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-5167703553831421462009-02-01T20:07:00.000-08:002009-02-01T20:36:47.951-08:00The play's the thing...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">I have been feeling a bit scattered lately and haven't been able to pin myself down to blog. Many little thoughts have crossed my mind and would've been fine blog entries but it seems they always escape me before I find the time to sit down and type. So here I am today, still not sure what to write about but need to just say Hi so that maybe I get out of my slump. I have actually been a bit more productive except for the occasional FB frenzy that seems to keep me from getting anything truly crossed off my to-do list. I was in a bit of a whirlwind of productivity this past week (a large feat considering my son was off of school all week!) but now I think I am just burnt from being "on" all week (even this weekend as my hubby was ill). I do want to say that I accomplished something </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">very</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> important</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> this week worth mentioning: I played with my son. Some of you might not think that 's a big deal. But I am not one of those moms that plays a lot with their kids, I am a strong nurturer but have a hard time just sitting down and playing for long periods of time. I wish this wasn't the case but I get bored or start thinking about what else I should be doing.The sad thing is that when I was a nanny, I played so much more easily. And those weren't my own kids! I don't think my mom played with me much either. It's not a part of parenting that I am proud of and it's hard to admit, because it breaks my heart to hear Julian say "</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">please</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> play with me, Mama." Especially if I don't then drop what I am doing and jump at this chance....but I </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">am trying.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">..and this past week, I will say that I really did play with him </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">a lot</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">! and it was fun. The house is more of a wreck this week but my kid is happy and so am I. Dishes and laundry can wait, after all. And now I look behind me and sweet hubby is doing them as I blog! </span></span>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-61253560915425256372009-01-20T10:56:00.000-08:002009-01-20T11:14:31.856-08:00Changes, changes, changes?I have very little words right now. I just watched the inauguration and then read <a href="http://imaginarydocumentary.blogspot.com/">this</a> and feel moved in many different directions. I am filled with hope, joy, and also a little fear. I try not to let fear take over any real part of my daily life but it <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">is</span> there. I imagine it is a normal thing to have fear when change is occurring, not just about the eventual outcome of any particular situation, but also in the interim. A fear of <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">not</span> moving, staying stagnant, or even going backwards. On a national level, the change is HUGE and does show us all that our country is growing. But there is still so far to go and it is hard to stay in the moments of joy at the current level of our progress (or maybe it's easy and that is what scares me) and not look at what still needs to be done and recognized, both in the hard work of reformation of our current state of government/world affairs/etc. and also at the injustices still brewing today against oppressed people right here in the USA. Namely the gay community. It's a tricky place to be in. I liken it to how I feel about more personal issues in my emotional world: Feeling optimistic about where things are going and the possibility of what can be, but also the fear that the integrity or expectations of the goals will somehow become minimized or relaxed. It is vital to hang onto the importance of my needs and the work that can be done. I am worth it. My relationships are worth it! and by golly, our country (all people) are worth it! Damn it, I am fighting the good fight and staying the course! I hope that Our President, et al will do the same!!!mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-19615813264782604372009-01-10T13:50:00.000-08:002009-01-10T14:34:24.673-08:00Is it Friday yet? and what does that mean,anyway?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">I need a vacation from my job. you know how it goes when you feel like you are just running through the motions, kind of phoning it in and not really aware or caring about the outcome. It's not that you don't enjoy your job on the whole or care about the future of your company or product, you are just a bit burned out and not able to be "the best at what you do" at the moment. It's time for a vacation. But what if your job is a 24/7 sort of deal? Then what? This is my job as a mother of a small child. I really love the work overall and wouldn't change it for any other. I am just feeling like I am not able to bring my </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">top self</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"> to the position right now. Maybe it's because we as mothers (well, parents but let's be honest, primarily mothers are on duty at all times!) don't get the weekends off to rejuvenate for the week ahead. I try in my world to be a conscientious person and especially when it comes to my kid, I aim to be respectful and connected in <a href="http://www.connectionparenting.com/parenting_articles/index.html">my parenting style</a>. But lately, I feel so all over the place in all things that being present and "mindful" has become an even bigger drain than I thought possible. And it's not J, believe me, if anything he is blossoming in new ways that make the delightfulness in parenting even more so. It's just </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">me</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">. And I really don't like being average at this job. I wanted this one more than anything else in my life </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">ever</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">. And now I have it and am eternally grateful. The problem is, if I had a job evaluation tomorrow (where surely I am the Boss reviewing it all, as I am my worse critic), I don't think I would get a lot of bonuses or praise, more likely at long list of "challenges" or "potentials". I don't need to be the straight A, overachiever, Type A kind of mommy either. Just wanna feel like I am giving the best that I can in any given situation. and I don't right now. Sure wish they would hand out paid vacations for Mamas. I think the world would be a better place if they did. Not only on a small scale at home, but man, If mamas were recognized that way on a global level, there would be this monumental glow all over the world. Anyway, so if there is a request box out there somewhere for mom's vacation needs, sign me up. I am ready and will be all the better for it. </span>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-21524302202644793052009-01-09T15:56:00.001-08:002009-01-09T16:38:01.449-08:00The (Un)social butterfly in me<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyPcr8jbnmXJlYOFWQShYObUiSIAFJ_FvJ7doc4bpkXYtGupl3v_BKnf-DZO0RRhvFnFLziUacn9gups-Ns0-R9flMSHZkObwCiD7yzsmJ2BKdzuGPnBCzTPrgk3XQBnUbtlEAmB6Nte4I/s1600-h/time+to+go+within.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyPcr8jbnmXJlYOFWQShYObUiSIAFJ_FvJ7doc4bpkXYtGupl3v_BKnf-DZO0RRhvFnFLziUacn9gups-Ns0-R9flMSHZkObwCiD7yzsmJ2BKdzuGPnBCzTPrgk3XQBnUbtlEAmB6Nte4I/s320/time+to+go+within.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5289456415845839522" /></a><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 255, 153);">So one of my friends was asking me what my weekend plans were and I replied, "I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon, and that's all..." then I smiled and added, "Just the way I like it!". She smiled back and said "man, you have changed so much." and you know what, she is SO right. I was the queen of plans not so long ago. I mean, the kind of person who would have something like 5 or 7 things put into my day (never exercise, somehow) or at least in a weekend, plus something going on almost every night. And this was only maybe a year or so ago. But around January of 2008, I started to "go inside" and let a lot of my plans and obligations fall away. I was a little depressed but mostly just needed to go to the extreme opposite of where I had been. Pull in those boundaries and just concentrate on myself and my family and really take some down time, only venturing out when I really felt like it or absolutely </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 255, 153);">had</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 255, 153);"> to go to an event. I don't mean I was some crazy lady who stayed in her bathrobe all day and ordered all her things including groceries online, though at times that did sound appealing. I just didn't need all the social engagements I used to participate in regularly. I quit all my book and movie clubs. I stopped raising my hands to volunteer for every little thing that came up. Just started saying "NO" to a lot. I let my friends know that it wasn't personal if I declined any number of invitations, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 255, 153);">just taking care of myself right now</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 255, 153);">. It was a really good thing for me to do. And it lasted almost a year, and then slowly, I felt more up to doing more things socially. But truthfully, I still don't do nearly what I used to, we stay home a lot and I tend to like it that way, just puttering around the house or cooking or baking or watching a movie. It's way cheaper and my hubby and son are just natural born homebodies so I am fitting in just fine. The weekend feel more sacred to me now, a time to pull in from the week and just BE with my lovelies. I do feel a little sad sometimes that some of my friends have given up asking or thinking of me when making a social plan, and yes, I can ask too but mostly I am happy to be way more In than Out. Maybe it comes with age, who knows...but I will take my Un-crowded life any day....</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 255, 153);"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 255, 153);">PS Photo found on Flickr by someone called Moonbird and is titled "Time to go within".</span></span></div>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-48020713639133707372009-01-05T10:25:00.000-08:002009-01-05T16:51:54.923-08:00Getting on the Hay ride<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Qdmsl6LmpTFi-gSs1RpwqT9iSwx4JCfrb62Omcofdw8-Yvm0iUcNtWD7yhEo8CyzNlOBPZcKYhUlPk9KzBMpN27RCyncRdAIUZhrgGpIDBq8vmPh5mtqAcGQefk9r1j69k_2nlPpIT_U/s1600-h/3219_c1.gif"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 100px; height: 142px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Qdmsl6LmpTFi-gSs1RpwqT9iSwx4JCfrb62Omcofdw8-Yvm0iUcNtWD7yhEo8CyzNlOBPZcKYhUlPk9KzBMpN27RCyncRdAIUZhrgGpIDBq8vmPh5mtqAcGQefk9r1j69k_2nlPpIT_U/s320/3219_c1.gif" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5287891824251012082" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPGtpUxHbpI22GRmO306cR0nK3HZMxdHMqxPvWSYaFfhhcGK-UralxU4CnhE9Cckila94UU_zWysF9zSD4Wub1MzAGZ8NwaYP_-7ofLWuEqp1JqU2SGPC6l4R9u3vHeAv3VwKktKH5FZAU/s1600-h/275_c1.gif"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 100px; height: 153px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPGtpUxHbpI22GRmO306cR0nK3HZMxdHMqxPvWSYaFfhhcGK-UralxU4CnhE9Cckila94UU_zWysF9zSD4Wub1MzAGZ8NwaYP_-7ofLWuEqp1JqU2SGPC6l4R9u3vHeAv3VwKktKH5FZAU/s320/275_c1.gif" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5287891536180939010" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwjqdavu8W4AZKIVR4Q5ytcPOouALIFP73bvRCfxSZiBhm0UmhWZFKPNUwnWIiFa7QR8OjU5UsDz7jGonguuG5PFTRnklMA5hKeAd_aGYlo3PaGaz2VOBvev1K_R-dBcVe5SD47cD9lDu5/s1600-h/3219_c1.gif"><br /></a></div><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 153, 255);">So this year started out a little surprising to me. I mean, once I really thought about it, it wasn't so surprising as I had been seeking and asking for more truth from the Universe but it hit me like a ton of bricks the evening of New Year's Day! I do not intend to share everything in my world here, but I will say that my eyes opened to some real truths in my life that I had been, thus far, managing to not truly see until this new year. I have been working to be more open and aware but just didn't expect such an Aha! moment so quickly. But there it was and I felt devastated for the next 24 hours. But then, through some wise words of a dear friend and through my own sense deep inside, I realized that I can take a positive approach to all that is coming up and see that, though there will be some very challenging times throughout this year, the year is about changing and opening further and living more authentically. There are so many opportunities here to be explored, ones that require a good deal of compassion and bravery but can push limits to their fullest potential. I am not trying to be so cryptic, I just have to keep some things to myself for now and also feel that you can all use these words to fill in your own _______s. I know that things in my life need to change but it often in that interim that is the hardest part of it all. Last night I watched the movie </span><a href="http://www.youcanhealyourlifemovie.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 102);">"you can heal your life"</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 153, 255);"> </span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 153, 255);">based on the principles put out there in the Louise Hay book of the same name, only this movie had her and others, with very personal accounts of their own journey. I know that lots of people LOVED the "what the bleep" and "the secret" movies, but they were a little too hokey for me, particularly the former. This one was lovely and very heart-centered and just furthered my positive twist on all things lately. If you have a hankering to spend 90 minutes watching something that fills you up with good ju-ju , I recommend this one. I am gonna spend more time looking over my books by LH and find the affirmations that speak to me right now.....have a lovely, hooey wooey day!</span></span>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-38792953038310494072009-01-01T21:17:00.000-08:002009-01-02T22:44:01.000-08:00My fun mosaic for the new year<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLvxe8V5qoRKGQVKrxKsgaLycpdye9Pzbrtfq8CFH-gHr5dfWylTqrXxHg0n4ZlB2IOPnZv1gmOzxNokIY-m_AGjN8Q9l-4Qf8kDPDXvdgh2h9bW8FW0vNoqYuwzTE5X9Ke8rySZj028RK/s1600-h/mosaic+justine.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 241px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLvxe8V5qoRKGQVKrxKsgaLycpdye9Pzbrtfq8CFH-gHr5dfWylTqrXxHg0n4ZlB2IOPnZv1gmOzxNokIY-m_AGjN8Q9l-4Qf8kDPDXvdgh2h9bW8FW0vNoqYuwzTE5X9Ke8rySZj028RK/s320/mosaic+justine.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5286954352750258578" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);"><div><br /></div>My friend Jen did this great mosaic on her </span><a href="http://www.jensanity.com/?p=11"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">blog</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">, and she got it from this </span><a href="http://www.danetterelic.com/drawingboard/2008/12/new-year-mosaic-meme-welcome-2009.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">blog</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">, and I just had to do it myself to see what I came up with and it turns out- I really like it! so it's going in here! You can learn how to do this </span><a href="http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">here</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">, and it did take me a long time and I will be honest and say that I didn't adhere strictly to the rules (i.e. changed wording a few times, didn't always find the image on the first page) but still I created something and made it what I wanted it to be...make yours YOURS as well...Enjoy! So here are the questions that relate to each picture (hint: make your answers as brief in words as possible order to find an image to match):</span><div><ol><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">looking back on 2008, what might the theme have been?</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">If 2008 was a movie, who would play you?</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">what is your greatest gift of 2008?</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">what is your new year resolution, or what are you committing to this year?</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">If January could be represented by one song, what would it be?</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">What do you wish for your body in 2009?</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">Name one new thing you would love to try in the new year.</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">What do you long for 2009 to bring?</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">If that happened, how would you feel?</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">Where would you love to vacation in 2009 if money were no object?</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">What would you like the theme of 2009 to be?</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">If 2009 was a book, and the title was 5 words or less, what might the title be?</span></li></ol><br /></div>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-33883397250104462672008-12-31T13:56:00.000-08:002008-12-31T23:40:03.600-08:00My 2008 & 2009 ListsSo in this eleventh hour, as we near the very end of this calendar year, I feel moved to put down in writing some ideas and intentions I've had floating around in my head for several days.Before I move on entirely to 2009, I want to be gracious and give a little props to 2008, it's been an extremely challenging year for me and many others whom I love but wanted to try to find some goodness in it...so here is what I am grateful for from 2008:<br /><ul><li>For the chance to be there for my dad and Sarah during a very hard time when Laura was nearing the end of her life and tensions were high and a peacemaker was needed.</li><li>For the gift of forgiveness, both to give it and receive it.</li><li>For the loving support of friends and family through all that came up to greet me along the path this past year, and how I chose to greet IT!</li><li>For second chances to make different, better (?) choices.</li><li>For Obama winning the presidency and igniting a patriot fire within me and many others I know.</li><li>For Facebook, it's just so darned friendly and makes the journey just a bit more fun and connected.</li><li>For my husband's patience and kindness and love.</li><li>For my son's amazing spirit and sweetness and general quirkiness.</li><li>For wonderful dietary options that exist in this time in this wonderfully weird town.</li><li>Thankful for all the people (celebrities, non-celebrities) who work hard to make this world a better place for everyone.</li></ul>And now (drum roll please....) <div><br /></div><div>My statements of intention for 2009</div><div><ol><li>To continue to pay better attention to my body and treat it like the blessed gift that it is (talk about 2nd chances, & 3rd, & 4th....)</li><li>To spend more time doing things that aren't screen related (i.e. spend no more than 2 hours per day on computer/TV/Movie viewing) and read more (not just as I am falling asleep in bed).</li><li>Work on art projects weekly just for the fun of it.</li><li>Breathe through my nose more.</li><li>Keep purging until I feel like everything has it's place and purpose in this household and can maintain it all better.</li><li>Spend more time outside with my family, doing something active and enriching.</li><li>Rediscover the art of letter writing and partake in it weekly.</li><li>Do things greener in my household and in choices I make out in the world as well.</li><li>Blog and/or journal more often.</li><li>Give to the world on a local and global level whenever I truly can afford to do so, be it in time,effort or finances.</li><li>Create and grow a new life during this year.</li><li>Spend more time walking and less time driving.</li></ol> So, there it is...I am putting it out there for you and the universe to see and for me to continue to keep within my sight. I plan on making myself a visual guide as well, a collage vision board tomorrow as a way to be creative and enjoy the images I come up with to focus my sights on for this next year. May this be a wonderful year for all of us and may it be filled with change, movement and fulfilment and lots & lots of moments of incredible joy.</div>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-46843188967186164732008-12-23T19:58:00.000-08:002008-12-23T20:03:47.889-08:00Some visuals to go with last post<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGfhHHaz9-Vl_9gwrFJoM0ODAEfGP6evrrO2Qx0B-cseSCp_YWSL__XYcRZRUeiDZrRL62I3uSsmdOZBUTJyq4e832a3AEnhgZWf3HQEISEbOgvd4yGMip2SENgYEAD8xUm-FUGkrZIc9O/s1600-h/IMG_1621.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGfhHHaz9-Vl_9gwrFJoM0ODAEfGP6evrrO2Qx0B-cseSCp_YWSL__XYcRZRUeiDZrRL62I3uSsmdOZBUTJyq4e832a3AEnhgZWf3HQEISEbOgvd4yGMip2SENgYEAD8xUm-FUGkrZIc9O/s320/IMG_1621.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5283202212968512530" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdsWkhjvZgCFJLFHwKVcLrL59uoJLAM4ZRHjwneUgQm0ymZp3D-Qj4Ozgs6HJ6ws9LPJzd6sB6gtoOhyVgKjzUKIh4SGbXewHclGu7TQeJ6oaLw0UNg7tQ-7Svc-YL5XapNgWVYfKCvcSZ/s1600-h/IMG_1619.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdsWkhjvZgCFJLFHwKVcLrL59uoJLAM4ZRHjwneUgQm0ymZp3D-Qj4Ozgs6HJ6ws9LPJzd6sB6gtoOhyVgKjzUKIh4SGbXewHclGu7TQeJ6oaLw0UNg7tQ-7Svc-YL5XapNgWVYfKCvcSZ/s320/IMG_1619.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5283202192758961458" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3CM9voIjN9r3149_IR7DpnMdvwmRZjYwGYiCLFVfc8Wv5lg4UwSLgMggErU1XEL7YCJTtFjKTxXeHk0A45PheyMnTmqqbxSdZTeH290A1ML5XCCV_KVeUAjzM8yWoYkjlWbtVw9l3BLy2/s1600-h/IMG_1617.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3CM9voIjN9r3149_IR7DpnMdvwmRZjYwGYiCLFVfc8Wv5lg4UwSLgMggErU1XEL7YCJTtFjKTxXeHk0A45PheyMnTmqqbxSdZTeH290A1ML5XCCV_KVeUAjzM8yWoYkjlWbtVw9l3BLy2/s320/IMG_1617.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5283202191707008786" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4Anu6tgIZyJJ_WQU3Fi_WqUOoMBUNadYF_S20bFQSKy9ML81SO7qjgisGnvcKl2XeWw7eXQE0m9SkTrfsh1FuZa_-_99tu0Kg11iXEpkNSshERkNbb6X5OPCXiI4F8WykRCKeawFn2hwt/s1600-h/IMG_1616.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4Anu6tgIZyJJ_WQU3Fi_WqUOoMBUNadYF_S20bFQSKy9ML81SO7qjgisGnvcKl2XeWw7eXQE0m9SkTrfsh1FuZa_-_99tu0Kg11iXEpkNSshERkNbb6X5OPCXiI4F8WykRCKeawFn2hwt/s320/IMG_1616.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5283202186794360594" /></a><br />Some of my favorites are:<div><br /></div><div><br /></div>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-68167884929118554572008-12-23T18:42:00.000-08:002008-12-23T19:57:16.596-08:00Nourishment on the whole & for the soul<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">When I began this blog, it wasn't my intention to only write about food (it still isn't) but I will say that blogging the other day about my cravings sure helped. In fact, the issue was practically lifted as soon as I posted. And I appreciated the support and comments that were left by some of you, thank you. Please consider the comments area a safe place to air your own inner struggles as we are all in this together in one way or another. I have found that when I discuss my new lifestyle changes with others, it only reinforces the positive ways in which it is blessing my world. When I tell them the list of things I am not eating anymore: dairy, wheat, soy, corn, sugar, potato, pork, tomato, peanuts, caffeine, alcohol, & processed or fried foods, inevitably the first question out of their mouths is "What </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">do</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);"> you eat then?" and then "I could </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">never</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);"> do that!" So I thought I would give a little idea of what I do put in my body and also perhaps give a little inspiration to those of you with an inkling to eliminate or at least cut down on a thing or two in your own world. So here is a partial list of things that I eat regularly (I think you will find that there are a lot of choices here): </span><div><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">A lot of Nuts and Nut Butters (except of course, peanut)</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">Alternative milks (Hemp and Hazelnut being my faves)</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">Chicken, Turkey, & Fish (organic &/or wild whenever possible)</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">Beef (Grass-fed WHENEVER possible)</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">Organic eggs</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">Fruits and Veggies (again, try for organic mostly)</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">Hummus (The Mediterranean one from TJ's is the best!)</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">Pasta (made from rice- Tinkayada Pasta Joy is the only one worth it-& it rocks!)</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">Vegan Pesto (New seasons makes 3 yummy varieties: Arugula walnut, basil, & walnut/cilantro)</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">Alternative grains (rice, quinoa, ammaranth, millet)</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">Bread, crackers, & cereal made from grains listed above</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">Herbal and decaf teas (being careful to watch for soy, often listed simply as "natural flavors".</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">Coconut Bliss</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">many great recipes from several allergy free cookbooks<br /></span></li></ul><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">So there you have it...it's very do-able...sometimes the balance in foods may be off, but there is always room for adjustments. Lastly, I have been going through a lot of old photos and memory boxes lately (must be the fact that we've been snowed in!) and came across something I had written for a writing class many years ago. It stemmed from an assignment in which the words "washed up" were given to explore and work into some sort of written piece. It's not a perfect poem but I still resonate with it's theme and felt I could share it here. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 102);">It is 6 p.m. and I've just finished washing up for dinner. This will be a special night, for all around me at the table will be my loved ones, my family. Some from my family of origin, some my chosen family but in all, those I hold dearest in my heart & with whom I feel the most comfortable being "me". The circle around the table has no room for gossip or judgements, no place set for ill will & negative reinforcements. Only large helpings of love,respect,compassion, & kindness. Plenty of understanding & awareness with an abundance of goodwill & joy at each place. I feel warm & enveloped in this banquet, this feast of familial bonds. Finally, my hunger is gone, my needs are filled, my plate is full & I crave nothing more. I am nourished and never need to deprive or binge again. It is ALL there in perfect proportions.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 102); font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">Amen.</span></div>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-77078088964115017562008-12-17T20:36:00.000-08:002008-12-17T21:16:56.760-08:00gone today, here tomorrow???<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Ok so it's been a while since my last blog...it's not so much that I didn't have anything to say, just that I have had so many things going through my head that I kept circling the launch pad, never touching down to write about one thing. oh well, i am here now anyway. I just had to blog tonight...I am really BUMMED! I have been gliding through the holidays with no real stress about the typical holiday binge , you know, avoiding the food tables and sweets at parties, not filling all the Christmas decor dishes with candy as before and basically, doing a damn fine job of keeping things clean in my world of eating. But the last few days, I have been yearning to bake. Maybe it's the "snow" that has kept us indoors, and feeling homey. Maybe it's this time of year. It makes me feel good and thus far, I have been fine with giving the treats away once made...However, I decided that I wanted to try to make a batch of cookies from the current recipe book I am able to enjoy- allergen free and so on...and made </span></span><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=GCUXNlKCbfYC&pg=PA207&dq=oatmeal+cookies+no-bake+inauthor:black&lr=&as_brr=0&as_pt=ALLTYPES&client=safari"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">these delicious no-bake cookies</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">. But the problem is...I can't </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">stay away</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"> from them now!!! So, it seems my friend the cookie monster, lady binger, or what-have-you, was only on vacation and has now returned to the building and seems to be getting comfortable again- ugh!! I was in denial all these past 8.5 weeks I guess, or maybe it's that old self-sabotaging meanie inside that decided that "</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">hey, she's feeling pretty confident now, has lost 16 lbs.,and doesn't crave sugar anymore. I think I will f*$k with her and see if I can break her again. I mean, I've always been able to before, why not this time as well</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">?" And I realize that I am my own worst critic and yes,, I have been making amazing strides. Yet somehow, I will not think about the seriously healthy(and delicious) soup I made for dinner and just concentrate on the delicious treats in the fridge calling my name, again and again...This too shall pass. I know this & will make every stride to move beyond the little voices that want me to fail but sometimes I just wish I could feel normal in relation to food. I actually </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">was</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"> feeling normal until today...well, I will just sleep on it and see what comes forth tomorrow. Do you have any little food "devils" that threaten to push you to the edge of healthy balanced eating?</span></span>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-40126858066969570272008-11-29T09:28:00.000-08:002008-11-29T10:25:18.279-08:00From the wise words of a 4 year old...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">I have been wanting to blog for several days but since the holiday was upon us and I have an out of town loved one visiting, I am not in my normal rhythm. Actually, I am still searching for that even when no irregular circumstances can be blamed. This is one of my "homework assignments" from my naturopath ; to be aware and flow with my own rhythm....but I feel like I have been out of touch with that for so long, I am not sure how to do it. I guess that is step one...realizing I am out of sinc and gaining awareness of myself and connecting deep within. And then not judging that , just moving forward slowly and consciously. My son Julian makes up songs on his guitar all day long and no matter if he is singing </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">the pudding song</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">the thanksgiving song</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">, or </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">the tissue song</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">, they all contain a line that goes something like this: ".</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">...and I don't know what to do....and I don't know how to do it...</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">". Steve and I are always half chuckling and half amazed at his philosophical lyrics and wonder why he puts this sentiment into almost every song....it indicates a kind of vulnerability ; not always knowing what to do, with the humility to admit it out loud (and sometimes at full volume in song!)...I don't actually know many adults that feel comfortable putting it out there like that. This is just one of the ways that my son (and children in general) often inspire me. Their honesty and fearlessness of exposure to others. So I am saying it out loud, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">I don't know how to do it...how to find my own rhythm</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">.... I aim to do yoga one of these days, as I am sure that will help. As I continue on this new way of eating, I am more in touch with the physical part of my body(how each food I ingest feels in my body,whether I am hungry or not,etc.) but still...I wonder, do you, any of my readers have a better understanding or a secret method of how to stay in touch with this part of yourself? I would love to hear any stories or hints you might have....i believe as each of us make our way in the world and continue this journey on the path of knowledge and love and understanding, it helps to give each other a </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">leg-up</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> when we can....after all, we're all in this together, really.... peace be with you.</span>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-21503337451572166452008-11-16T23:14:00.000-08:002008-11-16T23:55:35.451-08:00The Journey continues...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 102);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">So, as I mentioned last post, I am becoming a new me, or maybe the </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 102);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">inner</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 102);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> me, or better yet, just MORE of me. I am one of those people who has about 3 or 5 lists going at all times of all the things I want to get done, both daily and monumentally. This in itself isn't a big deal, I mean, whatever motivates you, right? Except that it hasn't. Not for many moons anyway. Until this past (full) moon...I got my groove back....I went for it...I finally dealt with the very daunting, forever-nagging-at-me, catch-all called our 3rd bedroom. It has been a thorn in my side for the past 3 years and while it has had it's ups and downs, when the occasional guest was expected to stay, there has been a need to make it a better space and finally paint the walls that have had the same 5 paint squares on them once and for all. So I did it. A dear friend helped me paint it and also my sweet hubby, and NOW, it is a new room entirely...and I am more motivated than ever to keep going on finally tackling projects that have been sapping my energy for the simple</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 102);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> lack of energy</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 102);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> to deal with them all this time...I am off and running and it really feels great... My therapist </span></span><a href="http://www.tonyaharding.com/files/images/TONYA-HARDING_029.JPG"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 153, 255);">who looks like this</span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 102);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> said to me, sometimes you have to just do something because if you wait for the motivation, it may not come...I agree, but it sure helps to have more energy for it as well. Lastly, when I was sorting through some old files today, I found a copy of this amazing poem by Mary Oliver and well, it just didn't surprise me that I found it right now... so, enjoy.....</span></span><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">The Journey by Mary Oliver</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">One day you finally knew</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">what you had to do, and began,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">though the voices around you</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">kept shouting</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">their bad advice-</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">though the whole house</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">began to tremble</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">and you felt the old tug</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">at your ankles.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">"Mend my life!"</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">each voice cried.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">But you didn't stop.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">You knew what you had to do,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">though the wind pried</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">with it's stiff fingers</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">at the very foundations,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">though their melancholy</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">was terrible.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">It was already late</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">enough, and a wild night,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">and the road full of fallen</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">branches and stones.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">But little by little,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">as you left their voices behind,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">the stars began to burn</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">through the sheets of clouds,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">and there was a new voice</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">which you slowly</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">recognized as your own,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">that kept you company</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">as you strode deeper and deeper</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">into the world,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">determined to do</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">the only thing you could do-</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">determined to save</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">the only life you could save.</span></span></div>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-70954898811315467142008-11-11T21:17:00.000-08:002008-11-16T23:52:53.253-08:00 <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful that the risk it took to blossom. _ <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">Anais Nin</span></span></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-style: italic;font-family:'lucida grande';font-size:18px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=";font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(102, 255, 255);">I LOVE this quote. I always have. But when I read it tonight, it dawned on me just how much that quote means to me </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(102, 255, 255);">right now</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(102, 255, 255);">. I have tried over the years to do things different when it comes to what I put into my body. I have been to weight watchers (too many times to count), gone to </span><a href="http://www.oa.org/index.htm"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">OA</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(102, 255, 255);">, read all of </span><a href="http://www.geneenroth.com/index.php"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Geneen Roth</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(102, 255, 255);">'s books and even gone to her workshop. Nothing ever quite felt right to me. I had some successes but felt like I was constantly obsessing about what I could/could not eat. I love 12 step programs, I have seen them do wonders for many, I just haven't felt they were for me. And I would end up feeling CRAZY, frustrated and ultimately bad about myself for not being able to stick with it. The only "diet" that I ever went on where I actually felt a lot better physically was the "</span><a href="http://www.bodyecologydiet.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Body Ecology Diet</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(102, 255, 255);">" which made a lot of sense and yet I didn't last more than about 6 weeks on it. Timing may have a lot to do with it. I have declared many times that "this is my sugar free year"! but I always struggled with my cravings and if I went off it at all, that guaranteed a snowball effect and I was lost. So when I went to see a naturopath recently for many of my issues (including very low energy,fibromyalgia,anxiety,and endometriosis),and told her that I wanted to discontinue most of the meds I was taking, she suggested that I follow the anti-inflammation diet for a while and see how it affects my body. I started it a week later and within 3 days, I felt more energy and a stronger sense of confidence within myself than I had felt in quite a long time. As the days have gone on, and I have continued to make great choices for myself, I have gotten stronger and more committed with each day. But here is the very best thing of all, I mean the thing that makes me think I will eat like this always: I DO NOT STRUGGLE WITH THE SUGAR CRAVINGS AT ALL!!!In fact, case in point, yesterday when I was at </span><a href="http://www.newseasonsmarket.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">New Seasons Market</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(102, 255, 255);"> and my grocery bill was getting too high, I opted to put back the </span><a href="http://www.coconutbliss.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Coconut Bliss non-dairy dessert</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(102, 255, 255);"> (the one thing that I can have since it is sweetened only with Agave & doesn't contain any NoNo's and only takes a few bites to satisfy) and I was totally OK with it. "Wow, who am I ?" I said aloud. The clerk just smiled and I assured her that this was a huge deal. I walked away feeling happier than if I had gotten the treat. This is a new peace for me and I am loving it. Whether it is just a new mindset I have adopted or due to going wheat and dairy free as well as the sugar, or both, I wanna hang onto this feeling. Whatever the reason, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(102, 255, 255);">this bud is on it's way to blossoming....</span></span></span></span></span></div>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-657643295336274109.post-52113515796516986842008-11-09T17:19:00.000-08:002008-11-09T18:45:18.605-08:00New Beginnings<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">So, I am not sure what has prompted me to finally create a blog.....My soul is calling me to journal but thus far I haven't so I thought maybe this could be an alternative to that...and more. I can't guarantee I will have any major insights to enlighten any of my readers but i will have a place to be honest and vent and praise and so on...and if someone is moved by my words then all the better. Some <a href="http://lauraglicken.blogspot.com/">recent events</a> in my life have opened me up and moved me towards some new journeys in my life...it is exciting and daunting and wonderful all at once...I have begun eating very differently by following an <a href="http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&id=GCUXNlKCbfYC&dq=anti+inflammation+diet&printsec=frontcover&source=bll&ots=0QSu7R_RCp&sig=Ra77fDOJsE-mLnrslLmeeqs6eRE&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=11&ct=result">Anti-Inflammation diet</a> and being very careful about what I put into my body (as well as my family's) and We recently were told that Julian may have a mild case of <a href="http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/">Asperger Syndrome</a>. So I figured, yeah, I have some stuff to write about here. I will do my best to blog as many days as I can, and try not to waste as much time on <a href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=732280846&ref=profile">Facebook</a>, this is definitely healthier. And that is my aim to be healthy and honest and strong and brave so here I am......</span>mama neeniebellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13016964530439036208noreply@blogger.com2