From the wise words of a 4 year old...

I have been wanting to blog for several days but since the holiday was upon us and I have an out of town loved one visiting, I am not in my normal rhythm. Actually, I am still searching for that even when no irregular circumstances can be blamed.  This is one of my "homework assignments" from my naturopath ; to be aware and flow with my own rhythm....but I feel like I have been out of touch with that for so long, I am not sure how to do it. I guess that is step one...realizing I am out of sinc and gaining awareness of myself and connecting deep within. And then not judging that , just moving forward slowly and consciously. My son Julian makes up songs on his guitar all day long and no matter if he is singing the pudding song, the thanksgiving song, or the tissue song, they all contain a line that goes something like this: "....and I don't know what to do....and I don't know how to do it...". Steve and I are always half chuckling and half amazed at his philosophical lyrics and wonder why he puts this sentiment into almost every song....it indicates a kind of  vulnerability ; not always knowing what to do, with the humility to admit it out loud (and sometimes at full volume in song!)...I don't actually know many adults that feel comfortable putting it out there like that. This is just one of the ways that my son (and children in general) often inspire me. Their honesty and fearlessness of exposure to others. So I am saying it out loud, I don't know how to do it...how to find my own rhythm.... I aim to do yoga one of these days, as I am sure that will help. As I continue on this new way of eating, I am more in touch with the physical part of my body(how each food I ingest feels in my body,whether I am hungry or not,etc.) but still...I wonder, do you, any of my readers have a better understanding or a secret method of how to stay in touch with this part of yourself? I would love to hear any stories or hints you might have....i believe as each of us make our way in the world and continue this journey on the path of knowledge and love and understanding, it helps to give each other a leg-up when we can....after all, we're all in this together, really.... peace be with you.

The Journey continues...

So, as I mentioned last post, I am becoming a new me, or maybe the inner me, or better yet, just MORE of me. I am one of those people who has about 3 or 5 lists going at all times of all the things I want to get done, both daily and monumentally. This in itself isn't a big deal, I mean, whatever motivates you, right? Except that it hasn't. Not for many  moons anyway. Until this past (full) moon...I got my groove back....I went for it...I finally dealt with the very daunting, forever-nagging-at-me, catch-all called our 3rd bedroom. It has been a thorn in my side for the past 3 years and while it has had it's ups and downs, when the occasional guest was expected to stay, there has been a need to make it a better space and finally paint the walls that have had the same 5 paint squares on them once and for all. So I did it. A dear friend helped me paint it and also my sweet hubby, and NOW, it is a new room entirely...and I am more motivated than ever to keep going on finally tackling projects that have been sapping my energy for the simple lack of energy to deal with them all this time...I am off and running and it really feels great... My therapist who looks like this said to me, sometimes you have to just do something because if you wait for the motivation, it may not come...I agree, but it sure helps to have more energy for it as well.  Lastly, when I was sorting through some old files today, I found a copy of this amazing poem by Mary Oliver and well, it just didn't surprise me that I found it right now... so, enjoy.....

The Journey by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice-

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with it's stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as  you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do-

determined to save

the only life you could save.

 There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful that the risk it took to blossom. _ Anais Nin

I LOVE this quote. I always have. But when I read it tonight, it dawned on me just how much that quote means to me right now. I have tried over the years to do things different when it comes to what I put into my body. I have been to weight watchers (too many times to count), gone to OA, read all of Geneen Roth's books and even gone to her workshop. Nothing ever quite felt right to me. I had some successes but felt like I was constantly obsessing about what I could/could not eat. I love 12 step programs, I have seen them do wonders for many, I just haven't felt they were for me. And I would end up feeling CRAZY, frustrated and ultimately bad about myself for not being able to stick with it. The only "diet" that I ever went on where I actually felt a lot better physically was the "Body Ecology Diet" which made a lot of sense and yet I didn't last more than about 6 weeks on it. Timing may have a lot to do with it. I have declared many times that "this is my sugar free year"! but I always struggled with my cravings and if I went off it at all, that guaranteed a snowball effect and I was lost. So when I went to see a naturopath recently for many of my issues (including very low energy,fibromyalgia,anxiety,and endometriosis),and told her that I wanted to discontinue most of the meds I was taking, she suggested that I follow the anti-inflammation diet for a while and see how it affects my body. I started it a week later and within 3 days, I felt more energy and a stronger sense of confidence within myself than I had felt in quite a long time. As the days have gone on, and I have continued to make great choices for myself, I have gotten stronger and more committed with each day. But here is the very best thing of all, I mean the thing that makes me think I will eat like this always: I DO NOT STRUGGLE WITH THE SUGAR CRAVINGS AT ALL!!!In fact, case in point, yesterday when I was at New Seasons Market and my grocery bill was getting too high, I opted to put back the Coconut Bliss non-dairy dessert (the one thing that I can have since it is sweetened only with Agave & doesn't contain any NoNo's and only takes a few bites to satisfy) and I was totally OK with it. "Wow, who am I ?" I said aloud. The clerk just smiled and I assured her that this was a huge deal. I walked away feeling happier than if I had gotten the treat. This is a new peace for me and I am loving it. Whether it is just a new mindset I have adopted or due to going wheat and dairy free as well as the sugar, or both, I wanna hang onto this feeling. Whatever the reason, this bud is on it's way to blossoming....

New Beginnings

So, I am not sure what has prompted me to finally create a blog.....My soul is calling me to journal but thus far I haven't so I thought maybe this could be an alternative to that...and more. I can't guarantee I will have any major insights to enlighten any of my readers but i will have a place to be honest and vent and praise and so on...and if someone is moved by my words then all the better. Some recent events in my life have opened me up and moved me towards some new journeys in my life...it is exciting and daunting and wonderful all at once...I have begun eating very differently by following an Anti-Inflammation diet and being very careful about what I put into my body (as well as my family's) and We recently were told that Julian may have a mild case of Asperger Syndrome. So I figured, yeah, I have some stuff to write about here. I will do  my best to blog as many days as I can, and try not to waste as much time on Facebook, this is definitely healthier. And that is my aim to be healthy and honest and strong and brave so here I am......