The honeymoon is over....

I have been in a virtually blissful state for the past 4 months concerning my food intake and overall life changes, forging ahead and happy that it has felt relatively easy peasy! Enter evil food cravings.  Over there is a heap of self loathing and doubt. Straight ahead look for bumps and curves in the road (body) that scream for repair! I guess it was bound to happen but I am so sick of my food choices (or lack thereof!). The truth is I can be making much more choices than I give myself because a) there are more grains and veggies to discover and explore if I would take the time and energy to prepare them, b) I haven't really put items back into my repertoire since starting the inflammation diet back in October and c) I could go get some more testing done to determine what foods I have sensitivity towards since I have not been feeling all that great even off all the main culprits (I sense there is something I still consume that isn't my friend!). And of course there is my oh-so-long-ago abandoned exercising self that deserves some time in the ring again. I am just frustrated. I ate a few bites of wheat and dairy the other day and also some sugar and guess what? I WAS A BEAR THIS MORNING! I seemed to have lost my peaceful state of mind that I was loving so much as of late....could be the full moon, could be my own moon cycle, or a host of other things but I am guessing that it is indeed, yep, almost sure it is, SUGAR & wheat & dairy...ugh!!! This too shall pass I know but for now I am just gonna let myself feel the frustration and hope that it leads to further commitment and strides forward. So, tell me ,dear readers, what have you fallen out of love with lately???

 There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful that the risk it took to blossom. _ Anais Nin

I LOVE this quote. I always have. But when I read it tonight, it dawned on me just how much that quote means to me right now. I have tried over the years to do things different when it comes to what I put into my body. I have been to weight watchers (too many times to count), gone to OA, read all of Geneen Roth's books and even gone to her workshop. Nothing ever quite felt right to me. I had some successes but felt like I was constantly obsessing about what I could/could not eat. I love 12 step programs, I have seen them do wonders for many, I just haven't felt they were for me. And I would end up feeling CRAZY, frustrated and ultimately bad about myself for not being able to stick with it. The only "diet" that I ever went on where I actually felt a lot better physically was the "Body Ecology Diet" which made a lot of sense and yet I didn't last more than about 6 weeks on it. Timing may have a lot to do with it. I have declared many times that "this is my sugar free year"! but I always struggled with my cravings and if I went off it at all, that guaranteed a snowball effect and I was lost. So when I went to see a naturopath recently for many of my issues (including very low energy,fibromyalgia,anxiety,and endometriosis),and told her that I wanted to discontinue most of the meds I was taking, she suggested that I follow the anti-inflammation diet for a while and see how it affects my body. I started it a week later and within 3 days, I felt more energy and a stronger sense of confidence within myself than I had felt in quite a long time. As the days have gone on, and I have continued to make great choices for myself, I have gotten stronger and more committed with each day. But here is the very best thing of all, I mean the thing that makes me think I will eat like this always: I DO NOT STRUGGLE WITH THE SUGAR CRAVINGS AT ALL!!!In fact, case in point, yesterday when I was at New Seasons Market and my grocery bill was getting too high, I opted to put back the Coconut Bliss non-dairy dessert (the one thing that I can have since it is sweetened only with Agave & doesn't contain any NoNo's and only takes a few bites to satisfy) and I was totally OK with it. "Wow, who am I ?" I said aloud. The clerk just smiled and I assured her that this was a huge deal. I walked away feeling happier than if I had gotten the treat. This is a new peace for me and I am loving it. Whether it is just a new mindset I have adopted or due to going wheat and dairy free as well as the sugar, or both, I wanna hang onto this feeling. Whatever the reason, this bud is on it's way to blossoming....